Honestly??? Honestly...
What really happens in the Matt/Jesse household.
Disclaimer: The following entry has way too much vulgarity. Like to my family members, please cease and desist now. You will think less of me...are you still reading this?? The zoo is a cutthroat place and this is what I have to do to survive. The word-squeamish need not read. Reader discretion is advised.
Ok let me start by apologizing to anyone who thought this was going to have some strong/awesome/almost always correct sports opinions. As you may know, my new gay-as-fuck roommate started this stupid ass blog in which he passive-aggressively bashes everything I do and he thinks it's so fucking funny...fagtool. Some of my coworkers wanted me to start writing counterpoint blog entries so they would know what really happens and not what that fatfuck says happens. So daddy is going to give you hungry, baby birdies what you want. But just a little bit. You're welcome.
I thought I would start by asking myself the same questions that Matt asked himself in his first entry, “11 days before the move” on his blog, Manlyconfessions.blogspot.com
Why Matt?
Why the fuck not? I would have moved in with anyone because I need to save some fucking money to support my life addiction.
Do you think you will get sick of him or vice versa?
Yes.
Is Rhonda's relationship with you and her friendship with Matt gonna be weird?
I do not think so. He wont mind having her over for two and a half minutes at a time. Besides, Ill send her on her way afterwards with what appears to be “teardrops” all over her back.
Are you worried about sweating on Matt's furniture or appliances?
Not at all. That ass-pirate will probably save all the sweat in a container labeled, “Eau de Jesse: For the man who wants to smell like the most hardcore awesome motherfucker on the Earth, Jesse Thomas Santee III Esq.”, and pour the sweat all over his body while using his Sybian as he writhes in pleasurepain.
Are you going to fall for Matt's gay charms?
Well he does have pretty eyes and a sexy way about him. But if I can keep his disgusting, apple-shaped body and the overwhelming desire I have to not be buttfucked in the back of my head, I should be good.
What if the Texans and the Steelers are playing at the same time?
Well they played each other in Week 3, so I guess Ill do the same thing the Texans did to the Steelers that day...Ill put my dick in his mouth and put him in his overrated place while I watch the Texans.
He does not drink whiskey...are you concerned?
Hell no. He wont touch my shit and I wont touch his...unless I want to.
Since you guys are obviously the most fun people at the zoo, are you going to just hangout with each other and not include us?
Well Matt is the bitch who hates everybody and its kind of his place so I guess its up to him. But I dont give a shit who comes over as long as you dont drink all my whiskey, puke on and around my toilet and takeover my bed leaving me to fend for myself in the living room and the fart chair...definitely dont do that...you know who you are...
What are those noises coming from his room?
That is the sound of balls slapping chin...or other balls I guess...(god damn thats fucking sick. You're a sick fuck Matt)
If you have anymore questions or concerns, feel free to blow it out your ass.
Sincerely Yours,
Jesse
